All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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