around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
