I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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