why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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