I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
