Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
