He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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