I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
