pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize