I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
