The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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