I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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