Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize