so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You were trust falling into bushes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
