My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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