i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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