the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize