Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
