Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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