allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
