thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
