roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
