Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
