Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
home. puking in laundry basket.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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