ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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