I'm gonna have a badass scar
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
