If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
