Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize