Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize