I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
