The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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