what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My life is pants optional.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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