I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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