honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
