If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
