I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why did my mother make you get naked?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
