So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
