yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
