I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
