Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
