Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
