I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
