you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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