I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
