I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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