yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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