Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
