and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
