i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
