you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
