i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
