It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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