"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think people are normalizing furries
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
