Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A bitchslap is in order.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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