My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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