Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
