i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
