Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
