Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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