i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
