What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
