My vagina just recognized that song.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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