If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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