At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
