but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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