Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
