uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize