I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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