if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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