can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
