Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
