whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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