I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
