There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
