i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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