I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
