There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
