He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
