Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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