ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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