Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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