I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
