I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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