Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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