You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
