Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
