I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
