I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I AM VODKA MAN
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
