Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
