a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
