So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
