I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
