Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
