How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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