It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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