i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Alive.
So much puke
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
