To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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