It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
